Sunday, 2 September 2007

Female Emancipation

One of The Thirteen Disciples has brought to my attention that all my apostles are women. Quite right, so they are! Well spotted that man!
As much as I am against the modern concept of feminism, I wish to state for the record that I am all for equality and female emancipation. I'd go even further and say that perhaps it wouldn't be bad idea for women to be running the show - they couldn't fail to do a better job than the shower calling the shots over the last few millennia.
The cynics and the religious among you might suggest that the devil himself is responsible for all the worlds' evil and woes. Well...real life?...that is subjective and dependent on perspective, as for SL? Well I only just got here but I will say the place is far more advanced in it's decadence and sheer devilishness than the RL world I fell to all that time back. Sure the air is cleaner in SL but for how long?
What I am impressed with is the seemingly limitless skill homo-sapian has in carrying such large quantities of their shit wherever they go and in whatever they do. Out-feckin'-standin'! Some may also suggest that I am being harsh, cruel and perhaps a little rude. I can assure you, I am giving highest praise. As to the suggestion of me being responsible for the worlds ills? I wish I could claim absolute responsibility but that would be truly unjust. Many hands makes for the devils work. The devil makes work for evil bastards and slackers. We did it my way...but it is you my little fallen angels that deserve a big round of applause.
I would like to pay tribute and say, none of it would be possible were it not for the guys working so tirelessly behind the scenes - I thank you...
Sorry! Where was I?
Female emancipation - it got me thinking about the good old days. For example when giants walked the earth. Times where civilizations existed that are no longer remembered or even known of today - perhaps at best vague legends and myths.
Even in more recent human history, - those that were chosen to be remembered in ways that humans are taught to remember - fade from memory in time. That is the way of time and change.
Speaking of time...
...time for a little more irony. Who remembers Boadicea? Or Margaret Thatcher?
Both were women that sent men to war.
Both wielded immense power in similar, yet different ways.
Thatcher I fear is better remembered around the world than
Britons remembering Boadicea as probably the first true heroine and patriot of their nation, whilst doing all they can to erase the memory of Thatcher.
Thatcher was very much an ambassador for Britain. I don't intend to put a negative or positive slant on that statement, only that she got herself and Britain noticed. What people thought of her was a matter of opinion and perspective. Opinion as we know now is like an asshole, everyone's got to have one and perspective..I got them coming at me from all angles but that is by-the-by.
On my travels around the RL world in the latter part of the 20th. century I was suprised at the affection and praise heaped on the Iron Lady.
A woman so deeply loathed and hated in a divided and almost destitute Britain, yet around the world where she wielded only influence and no real power she was admired by sane and reasonable people. It is also worth mentioning that she was and is adored by some of the most insane and unreasonable people to have ever had the misfortune to cast shadow on the earth and often the feeling was mutual.
Worse than that, there were actually men who had a hard-on for the woman. I mean fer fecks sake, even Cowboy Ronnie had a stiffy for her! (Imagines Ron scuttling Maggie. Blech!!!! Balthy wretches violently and thinks - 'there are somethings that don't bear thinking about!').
This was a woman that had given Britain the 'Me society' - a society where family, compassion, God (and even the concept of society itself) hadn't so much flown out the window as having been violently ejected.
At a point when it seemed that Britain must surely consume itself, where seemingly there was no way back, she was given the opportunity to take the nation to war - and tragically - for both Britons and Argentineans - she did.
Even I - 'shit-meister extraordinaire' - know this 'war' was a diplomatic solution waiting to happen but in that moment she united a kingdom divided. Furthermore as Britons headed away from the era of Thatcherism many - including those that had given power to her - felt that the nineties was an awakening from some sort of nightmarish coma. (They hadn't yet been introduced to Tony 'a womans sorta man' Blair and were just relieved to see the back of Maggie 'more of a man than you'll ever be!' Thatcher.
And you think I'm good?!

So what of Boadicea? Well, here is something I pillaged from the internet.

Between AD 61 and AD 63 Boadicea led her Iceni people to a glorious but bloody war against the Romans. The Iceni Celts had submitted their kingdom in East Anglia to the conquering Romans and the rule of Emperor Claudius in AD 43. In AD 61, Prasutagus, Boadicea's husband and King of the Iceni died. A dispute followed during which Boadicea, was publicly beaten by the soldiers of the emperor, and her two daughters raped. The Iceni were insulted and rose in revolt led by their queen Boadicea. So successful was the uprising that the Romans were almost defeated. Unfortunately for the Iceni and their allies, the military skill of the Roman army finally led to the crushing of the rebellion.After the revolt, Roman rule was re-established. For almost two glorious years, Boadicea pillaged the Roman settlements; she remains to this day, the greatest of the heroines of Britain.

Well strictly speaking there was a little bit more to it than that. It does make for a good soundbite though.
And then there is this:

Trouble in Anglia. In 60 A.D., while Roman troops were busy in the final battle with the Druids on Anglesey Island (Wales), trouble arose in East Anglia. To understand what happened, you have to go back to the idea of client kingship. The Iceni tribe, centred in the modern Norfolk, had reached an accommodation with the Romans, keeping their own territory in exchange for not making a fuss.

Beginnings of the Revolt. The Iceni king, Prasutagas, decided that it would be prudent to make his will assigning half of his personal property to the Roman emperor. When he died the Roman officials decided to interpret his will as a submission to the Roman state, so they moved to appropriate all of the Iceni lands and disarm the tribe. Prasutagas's widow, Boudicca (or Boadicea as she is sometimes known) protested. The Romans had her flogged and her daughters were raped. This high handed treatment of an ostensible ally had predictable results. Queen Boudicca raised the Iceni and the neighbouring Trinivantes tribe in revolt against Roman rule.

The Course of the Conflict. They struck at symbols of the Roman occupation, and they weren't gentle. The capital at Colchester was burned, as was London and Verulamium, near modern St.Alban's. Boudicca's treatment of her enemies was fierce and she must have given the Romans a terrific scare. One legion was so terrified that they refused to move against her. She was eventually brought to bay at an unknown site by a much smaller force of Roman troops. The battle turned against her when the Celts became entangled with their own camp followers and were massacred. Boudicca herself took poison rather than face capture.

Consequences of the Revolt. The upshot of the Boudiccan revolt was that Icenai territory was ravaged and much of the province was put under military rule. There is a tendency to think of Boudicca as a great patriotic leader of the British, perhaps the first national heroine. But, honestly, she isn't a very appealing character. She exacted indiscriminate and ferocious vengeance on many of her fellow British Celts who had the misfortune to live in the wrong place.

And I think I'm bad?
..not making a fuss? Ha! Ha! The British don't do - 'not making a fuss' (I know it sounds like a double negative but it's not - ok?), it's what God put them on the planet for. As for, 'she must have given the Romans a terrific scare.' Terrific scare? You have got to be taking the piss?
She burnt London, St Albans and Colchester to the ground. Her two year rebellion (I guess it would be termed an insurgency today) is estimated to have claimed somewhere between seventy to eighty thousand lives - not bad even by todays standards - al qaeda could have learned a thing or two from her. Yeah, she probably did give the Romans a 'terrific scare'.
So, heroine or zeroine?
The first patriot of Britain? or righteously/violently, verily pissed?

As for Maggie.
I recall speaking to a beggar on the street in London, it was autumn 1990, the day of her resignation. Our conversation inevitably centered on the 'Iron Lady'. The begger turned the air black and blue with his invective. I mischievously suggested he'd be dancing on her grave when her time eventually came.
"Not me mate."
"Really?" I asked.
"Nah...I'll be too busy pissing on it!

As for me and my new position in SL? Well, I remain loyal and committed to my disciples and will continue with my positive discrimination. I would mention though that I am considering replacing one or two of them perhaps with cognitive behavioural therapists. Needles to say women of course and hot women as per!
email, hate-male, fan mail to the usual address.

Ciao fer now!

Friday, 31 August 2007

World Exclusive - The Furry.

BalthazarB Barthelmess: Hello...
...looking delightful as usual
Fender Todd: Why thank you very much.
Fender Todd: You look a little bit different :) I like it.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Oh you really are too kind, I wasn't born with these devilishly good looks, it takes a lot of time and effort just to make myself presentable.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: For the photo shoot I'm thinking maybe 'Fender chillin' at the beach.'
Fender Todd: That would be fine with me, whatever you think will work for you.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I know somewhere with rude Italians, (manners that is) but it is a lovely location...
Fender Todd nodnods.
Fender Todd: Oh, I know a beach area without Italians ...
Fender Todd: Um, I think it's still there.
Fender Todd: Would you like to see it?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Yes please! See what? Oh the beach! Yes.
Fender Todd: Ah, good.
Fender Todd: Maybe I should have worn a bikini :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Could be, but I think you look great like this.
Fender Todd smiles.
Fender Todd: All righty :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I did my first SL photo session yesterday...
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I'm a little slow...
BalthazarB Barthelmess: it's tricky...
BalthazarB Barthelmess: but I get my shot...
Fender Todd: That's perfectly all right, I more than understand.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Shouldn't take too long.
Fender Todd: I've been through 5 and 6 hour photoshoots for Playfoxx magazine, so I'm used to it.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok would you like to pick a pose?
Fender Todd: I think so, I don't see why not.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: won't be too difficult, you just need to be devilishly, seductive... if you could perhaps show a touch more fur?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Here would make a good contrast to your exquisite fur...
Fender Todd: This might not be exactly the right sort of setting for your pictures. *leads Balthazar away from the beach 'Love-Shack'*
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I think you may well be right!

BalthazarB Barthelmess: OK, I think we got some pretty good shots. If you are ready we could get the interview underway?

BalthazarB Barthelmess: Fender could you tell me a little about Furries and Nekos'?
Fender Todd: Hmm... well, strictly speaking, Nekos aren't Furries in the traditional sense.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: No, I guessed that.
Fender Todd: Nekos come from Japanese anime, "catgirls" and "catboys."
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Furries?
Fender Todd: I'm a furry... an anthropomorphic animal.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok any reason for that? I kind of get the idea that Furries and Nekos are less obsessed with presenting themselves as younger or more beautiful than their SL counterparts? (did that make sense?)
Do you think my therapist could find something to get her teeth into here?
Fender Todd: Mmm, I'm not a neko so I wouldn't want to speak for them... most of the nekos that I know do seem more interested in being a "neko" than in trying to be the SL equivalent of their RL selves.
Fender Todd: If that makes any sense to you.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: It does indeed.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Can you tell me a little about Furries? What do you see as being the advantage of Furry over human? Other than you are all very cute.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Nice top bye the way
Fender Todd: Well, the one "advantage" of being a furry over being a human is that there is no reason to adhere to a human value system or human morals.
Fender Todd: And thank you :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Good answer.
Fender Todd: It's really no different for furries than for humans :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok
Fender Todd: Can you guess why?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Nope, can you tell me?
Fender Todd: Because furries are actually humans! But don't tell anyone I said so ;)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok our secret!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: What's the most fun a cute Furry can have in SL? I realise this is subjective.
Fender Todd: Welllllll..... really well-done cybersex (or whatever term you like to use for it) is probably right near or at the top of the list ....
Fender Todd: I know a lot of furries who really enjoy non-sexual roleplay as well.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok..
BalthazarB Barthelmess: when you say rp you mean like setting up home...or stuff like games-playing?
Fender Todd: Yes, to both... most of the things associated with human roleplay, using "roleplay" in the generic sense.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok, cool.
Fender Todd: A lot of furries like to put a "furry" slant on it but it amounts to the same thing.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: These questions aren't too dumb?
Fender Todd: Not to me.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Good!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Your SL philosophy?
Fender Todd: My SL philosophy ... I suppose it's to enjoy the freedom of a virtual world and not to take it too seriously and risk hurting someone.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: That's good and nice to hear.
Fender Todd: I try to enable others to enjoy their second lives as much as I can.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I don't know if you have seen the blog but at the moment it seems a little dark and maybe mean
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I guess what I want to do is use irony and to show that things are not good and bad; that Balthy has more about him than pure wickedness. *smiles a slightly wicked smile*
Fender Todd: Oh I'm sure.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I hate to let real life interfere with SL but a RL girlfriend thinks that women are dictated to by fashion and whims that are mostly male, she was specifically referring to women being smooth where they were created furry in Gods' vision - is this an issue for furry couples?
Fender Todd: Furry couples--successful ones--don't try to use being furry as an excuse for behaving in a way that would offend or hurt their partners. At the end of the day they are still human beings with all the baggage that being human carries.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: So a bit of fur isn't, or shouldn't be a problem?
Fender Todd: My personal take on it is that being a furry is a hobby. There are people who consider it a lifestyle, and I wouldn't presume to tell them they are wrong, but there just aren't that many furries who take it so seriously.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Being a furry in SL must have it's advantages over furry in RL, i.e. a Fenac Fox can hit the beach and not worry about being overdressed or over-heating, and maybe you don't get so many funny looks when out shopping. Can you think of any disadvantages of being furry in SL or any other advantages.
Fender Todd: The biggest disadvantage of being a furry in SL is that a lot of people don't like furries. They have preconceptions about us that are usually incorrect, but which cause ill-will.
Fender Todd: On the other paw, there are also a lot of people who think furries are very cute and who really enjoy seeing them. When all you see in real life is other humans, seeing a furry in SL is something new and different.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I'm vegan; one of my devilishly ironic qualities! Furry Curry - Just Say No!
I like the idea of furry creatures being empowered, be it RL or SL it seems a whole lot easier here in SL; I have been considering for some time now the setting-up and arming of a Furry Militia.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Getting back to empowerment,
I kind of like the idea of furries giving it to humans am I just weird? lmao
Fender Todd: Well... there's no way actually to be a true furry in real life. Most furries can just barely manage it in SL, as well. No one is equipped to understand how a real animal "sees" the real world, we can only guess.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: 'tis true.
Fender Todd: As far as furries and humans being together--if you're weird, then there are an awful lot of people who share your weirdness.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: do furries and norms get it on together with regard to relationships or cyber?
Fender Todd: Oh, absolutely, all the time.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Cool!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: SL becomes more interesting and fun to me by the moment.
Fender Todd laughs softly.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Balthy trembles ever so slightly
Fender Todd arches an eyebrow.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Sorry!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: What peeves you most about SL?
Fender Todd: You mean besides technical issues?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Yup! *rolls around on the floor lmao*
Fender Todd: Hmmmmm....
Fender Todd: I would have to say, the people who have little or no concept of etiquette or good manners. I don't mean just griefers, either.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I guess that's the same as RL?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I was saying to someone recently; if you are an asshole in RL it's unlikely that you are cool in SL...
...if on the other hand you are ok with yourself out there then I guess you would be here too?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: unless you want to be an ass in here..
Fender Todd: My experience has been that any sort of virtual world is an uncertain measure of the "real" person.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: you want to go a little further with that it's a good point?
Fender Todd: I've met literally hundreds of people in real life that I had previously met online, especially furries at conventions. What I discovered was that people who were sweet and lovely online could be most unpleasant in person. I also found that many people who were total jerks online were really the kindest of individuals in real life.
Fender Todd: That's not to say that it applies to every single person, but that there -is- that element of uncertainty.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Wow! that completely blows my concept outta the water.
Fender Todd: Mind you, that's just my personal experience.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Experience is everything.
Fender Todd: Are you familiar with FurryMUCK?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Nope.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Do tell..
Fender Todd: FurryMUCK (FM) is a text-based roleplaying world, Second Life without graphics. It's been around for many years.
Fender Todd: I played on FM for over 12 years as the same character--Fender. While roleplaying I met and fell-in with a character who was widely-regarded as vicious, rude, and insensitive.
Fender Todd: Our characters became roleplaying mates :) The comments that elicited were to be treasured--no one could understand why I would ever get together with someone like that.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: That is so cool thank you for sharing.
Fender Todd: It's important to distinguish between roleplaying and the real "you," though.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Of course.
Fender Todd: That was what I was going to say about the character on FM that I roleplayed with--he was incredibly nasty online, -as a character-, and one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet in real life.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I try not to be an evil bastid in RL but in SL I'm Old Nick; what can I do? I don't have 13 gorgeous disciples in RL either!
Fender Todd: The difficulty arises when people forget to separate the pretend from the real.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I write.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I find that helps.
Fender Todd: Helps to do what?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: To separate real from fantasy.
Fender Todd: You see, there is something called a "personal furry."
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Tell me about personal furry.
Fender Todd: A personal furry is a furry character that accurately reflects the real person playing the character, as opposed to a character that is very unlike the real person.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok
BalthazarB Barthelmess: and you?
Fender Todd: "Fender" is a personal furry--I have been told by many people that Fender and his player are almost identical in personality, which I try to take in a positive way :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: can I maybe throw some random stuff at you?
Fender Todd: Go right ahead :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Fave books? George Orwell, Animal Farm?
Fender Todd: Actually I do like that book :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Music? Super Furry Animals?
Fender Todd: No.. I'm a classical music lover :)
Fender Todd: My favorite book of all time is "Dreadnought."
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Author?
Fender Todd: Robert K Massie.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Thank you.
Fender Todd: A wonderful writer.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I will most definitely check it out
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Fave hangouts in SL?
Fender Todd: I have a few favorite hangouts in SL depending on my mood :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok
BalthazarB Barthelmess: if you would like to suggest a couple I am linking in the blog.
Fender Todd: Well, my hangouts are dependent on the people, more than the theme, so take them with a grain of salt :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: ok, if you come up with anything that is worthy to you or deserving RL or SL gimme a shout, I will always try to link.
Fender Todd: I don't really have a favorite band--I like The Moody Blues and the New York Philharmonic :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Well Todd, I would like to finish by saying it's been an absolute pleasure talking with you. Take very good care and speak soon.
Fender Todd: Take care!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: oh.. and be good..if you can't be good be furry!
Fender Todd: Oh, always! :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Bye! =)
Fender Todd: Bye bye!

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

The Good, The Mad And The Furry.

BalthazarB Barthelmess: *Dials up Fender* Brrr Brrr...Brrr...
Fender Todd: Hello?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Hi Fender, it's Balthazar.
Fender Todd: Hello, dear, and how are you?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Chilled..
BalthazarB Barthelmess: just finished meditating..
BalthazarB Barthelmess: and you?
Fender Todd: Oh, catching-up on various things... trying to stay cool hee hee.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: The fur probably doesn't help, tho' for a furry you seem pretty cool to me.
Fender Todd: Well I'm not shaving it off!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: No I think a Brazilian would look a little funny on a furry, a bit like a reverse mohawk!
Fender Todd chuckles.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Balthy chuckles with fender.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Oh it is good to chuckle.
Fender Todd: "A chuckle a day keeps the undertaker away."
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Most true.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I've been laughing my nuts off for the last two millenia, hasn't done me any harm!

Fender Todd: Um...Balthy dear? It's always lovely to chat but is there a point to this call? I am a very busy fox after all.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: A point? is..was...oh yes! Did you get the photo I took the other evening?
Fender Todd: Is this some sort of shake-down Balthy?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: No! No! I wouldn't dream of it. I think for a quick snap it does you justice...more justice than you would get if you came before me in court!
Fender Todd: You are starting to lose me, dear. I can't follow your 90 degree turns anymore :)
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Sorry, it happens.
Fender Todd: I'm not complaining, I'm just letting you know.
Fender Todd: hee hee hee.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Perhaps it's the difference between species?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: It wouldn't matter if you were complaining; it's incurable!
BalthazarB Barthelmess: I've been diagnosed random...
BalthazarB Barthelmess: here and there...
Fender Todd: Hither and thither?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: So! What did you have for breakfast today?
Fender Todd: Balthy dear! You know I don't eat breakfast, except for a cup of coffee.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Ahem..quite right. You know I got some of The Thirteen Disciples started on a Kool-aid and Yoghurt diet? The irony is I don't even eat the stuff but I do love my cherry Kool-Aid
[*Kerr-ching! advertising royalties come rolling in*
BalthazarB would like to mention a quick word or fifteen about one of our sponsors: Alpro really rockin non-dairy desserts and yoghurts for those discerning vegans out there!]
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Anyways I'll cut to the bus-stop; the real reason I am calling is to ask when you are good to do the interview and pics for the blog?
I think the group 'The Thirteen Disciples' numbers around 11 or 12 at the moment so I am going to start profiling you all. First off I would like to do a feature called 'The Good, The Mad And The Furry'. I also recruited some chap out of the Spanish inquisition today so feeling quite pleased with myself. Today any good for you?
Fender Todd: Um, if you would like to, sure, hon. Let me see..the pool-boy's almost done, then I have a pedicure at 3-30. How about 5-00?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: 5-00 is furfect, I'll send a limo over to pick you up?
Fender Todd: Yes, let me get dressed nicely for you and I will be see you at 5-00.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: That's great, thank you..not too nicely I have to concentrate!
Fender Todd laughs softly. Well, then, any particular style you'd prefer, hon?
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Your style is good
Fender Todd: Ok see you later then.
BalthazarB Barthelmess: Ok, bis balt!
Hangs-up and thinks to himself: This media lark is a doddle!

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

Mixed Metaphor And Other Messed-up-ness.

Hello my little ones. I pray that all is good with you.
Time for work! I have decided that for the next few posts I will try to utilise at least one mixed metaphor or confused quotation. I have some examples for you so that you may get an idea of what it is that I am looking for. So, without further ado I give you 'Mixed Metaphors'
Veni vidi vino or in vino vici, something like that only maybe a little more sophisticated (except veni vidi are verbs in the first person perfect tense
and vino isn't).
Stupid is fine too, in fact stupid is good.
Double mixed metaphors. A bird in the hand isn't worth a poke in the eye with a blunt stick whilst beating on a dead horse; which reminds me... I used to be into bestiality and necrophillia but I gave it was too much like flogging a dead horse! Arf arf! (the old 'uns are best, albeit decomposed).
You can't break all your chickens without making an omelette in a basket. Or, don't bust your eggs doing chicken in a basket, large fries on the side.
Too many careless cooks cost lives.
Loose lips spoil the broth.
You can't keep a good man from going down on the ship.
Do not ask what your mom may cook for your dinner tonight rather what could you could do for mom's dinner.
When all is said and dusted.
If the shoe were on the other hand.
If the cap fits there'll be no flies on you.
Here today, there the day after too.
Mutton dressed as a ten buck hooker.
Hail Mary full of grapes.
In the name of the father the son and the holy teenage mutant ninja turtles.
God is great! could become; God is fairly cool!
Cooking up a slight squall.
Cooking up a can of worms.
That's let the cat out of the bin/doghouse.
Out of the frying pan and into the dog-house.
The devil makes work for naughty hands.
and my current favorite; More fuck for your Buck no..that can't be right? More Buck for your fuck.
So as you may have noticed I am struggling a little on the creative front - If each of you my pretty ones could provide me with oh..say half-a-dozen mixed metaphors (or something similar) in the absence of any real scandal and sordid stuff from amongst us I guess it may help. Also any assistance with story line or plot on the blog would be also much appreciated I seem to have lost it. The plot that is.
As well as being chosen for your grace, beauty, wit and charm you are here to muse too; so go ahead..muse me! Special favours to those that excel. Can't say unfairer than that!
Love, peace and disorder.
Yours Balthazar B

Monday, 27 August 2007

I Could Have Danced All Night...

I like to dance I find it frees my mind, allows my soul to wander and ponder.
It is also about as close as I come to adultery.
I'll quite often be found laying a rug down at Sphynx, it's one of my fave places to throw some moves; cool jazz, good company and wicked cocktails all in place that oozes charm and decadence
*receives a brown envelope stuffed with used 10's and 20's*

I find when I am dancing with some delightful creature fleet of hoof and lithe of limb it is then that some of my finest thoughts occur.
It was on one such occasion that led to the creation of The Thirteen Disciples.
We found each other one by one. A smoldering mass of the most magical pixels to have been created in second Life
Their number was logical, we could hardly be twelve that had been done, eleven would be lesser and The Fourteen Disciples just doesn't have the same pizazz.
So! Thirteen it was then, and a more alluring thirteen you could never wish or hope to find; but you won't need to will you? Because they walk and dance amongst you and it is they that will surely find you..
...sooner or later.

Friday, 24 August 2007

Dival Sassoon And A Quick Blood-Bath

So in keeping with all things evil-devil Krimson took me shop-lifting.
We got me some mean lookin' twisted threads. I got formal and abnormal lots of latex but no leather; I am a beast you see and would rather eat human flesh than have anything to do with beast products; the horned one is vegan and better for it.
I had always admired the Gor ones hair; she has such beautiful blood-red-tresses to match whatever her state of undress. I had to get me some of those.
With that in mind Krim called up her good friend and world renowned hair stylist Dival Sassoon in two shakes of a lambs tail he knew exactly what I needed and brought me the head of Kurt Cobain (a man who's life and style I had much admired) we took his hair and I think it looks pretty damned good, even if I say so myself and I do!
Just time for a quick (blood) bath and then it's off dancin'
(to my tune of course).

The Weird Revolution Starts Here!

If you are not with us then you are against us!

On behalf of Dr. Timothy Leary; in association with the legions of illuminated social rejects; and as an influential administrator and creator of musical chaos in these so called “United States” I stand as a messenger of strangeness this evening in order to impress upon or at least to instruct the honorable musicians as to the methods and motives of the truly bizarre reality—The Weird Revolution.
Thomas Jefferson, co-founder and president of this morally corrupt nation said “If God is truly just I tremble for the fate of my country”.
Secondly, there are some dynamics at play which I must familiarize you with.
The so-called weirdos in this country stand as completely freaked out by the normal man as the normal man is completely freaked out by the weird masses reaction to him.
Which came first—you may ask—chicken or egg; you may ask. Well, the chicken of course; and it’s time to break this weird-ass chain.
The weird masses don’t want to be normalized.
Weirdos want to be abnormal.
The freaks can’t be formally normalized nor can we normally formalized.
What we want is complete weirdification.
Basically, we don’t want weirdness from the normal man.
We don’t want to be freaked out by the normal man.
We want to out-freak the normal man.
The normal man entices and prostitutes and performs surgery on our weird women.
Yes, even your brother could be a victim of his plastic fantasies.
And if you weird out his daughter he’ll blast your ass.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Are you freaking with me?
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
So you can pluck out his feathers and smile because you are defending our weird women from the freaky-ass thoughts of the bug-eyed, bow-legged normal man.